So
you wanna know what happens eh? Well here goes:
It's
sunday morning in a certain quiet, little, mountain town. Stan, Kenny,
Kyle and Cartman are going to see what promises to be the best film ever:
a foreign film from Canada called Asses of Fire (the Terrance and Philip
movie). They have a bit of trouble getting in because this particular movie
is rated 'R'
because of bad language but they manage to pay a bum to get them in. Well
the movie does have bad language for instance the song Terrance and Philip
sing is called 'Uncle Fucka'. The Fearsome Foursome like the movie and
encourage the other children to see it. Well the movie has an affect on
them. They soon are spouting swears left, right and center.
The
parents take notice and with the help of Mr. Mackey (or a 'V chip' in Cartman's
case) the children manage to kick the swearing habit, though it doesn't
last. When the kids are given some free time for their good work they immediately
go to see the movie again destroying any progress they may have made. After
the movie Cartman and
Kenny are have an argument wether or not you can ignite a fart. Well Kenny
wins by seting his fart on fire along with himself! They rush him into
the ER where they accidentaly replace his heart with a baked potato.
The
mothers of South Park (namely Kyle's mom) search for blame. So they blame
not just the movie but the entire country it comes from: Canada. Obviously,
the Canadian government doesn't like this too much so war is declared by
bombing the Baldwins.
An
all out hatred for all things relating to Terrance, Philip and Canada ensues.
Stuff is burned, Terrance and Philip are slated to be executed and Canadians
are being rounded up into internment camps even Ike, Kyle's brother, is
taken despite being hidden in the attic. The boys don't like this and form
a resistance group known (strangely enough) as "La Resistance". Wendy joins
La Resistance but brings
along Howard McGillan who Stan perceives as a rival for Wendy throughout
the movie so he tries to win her over by being political. Unfortunately
Howard quickly takes over as head of La Resistance and sends them on their
missions: Kyle, Stan and Cartman are sent to rendez-vous with a child mercenary
known as Mole then go rescue Terrance and Philip before execution.
Meanwhile
in Hell, Kenny arrives. Satan, the Prince of Darkness, is unhappy because
he is forever in Hell. Satan is in a relationship with Saddam Husein but
it is having trouble. All Saddam thinks about is sex and Satan wants to
have a real relationship. Kenny helps Satan stand up to Saddam and ask
for change. Somehow Satan hears of the impending execution of Terrance
and Philip and realises that when their blood touches the ground it will
be time for his reign over the Earth to begin and he can finaly leave Hell.
At
the USO show where Terrance and Philip are to be executed Stan, Kyle Cartman
and Mole break in. While Big Gay Al does a musical number Mole digs in
to try to do the rescuing. Cartman is supposed to disable something that
would release ravenous dogs if they are discovered but the ghost of Kenny
apears to warn him of what would happen if Terrance and Philip died but
instead he scares Cartman off before he can accomplish his task. When Mole
is found out he is killed by the dogs. While the army is
in an uproar about the near loss of entertainment the Canadians attack.
The American army using a tactic involving all the African Americans being
in the front called opperation "Human Shield" is swiftly abandoned by said
soldiers. La Resistance takes the opportunity to release Terrance and Philip
but they meet up with members of M.A.C. (Mothers Against Canada) led by
Kyle's mom. She is about to have Terrance and Philip Shot when the children
march in in front of them. Kyle pleads for their lives stating it's not
TV's or the movie's fault it's his and the children's fault for watching
it. And then Mrs. Broflowski faulters for a moment then kills T&P anyway.
The
time for Satan to invade is at hand. The ground opens up and swarms of
evil spirits go about killing people. Even Kenny comes out. Satan comes
out with his demonic spiel but is interupted by Saddam who is trying to
steal his glory. The 'V chip' in Cartman's head starts to go nuts and whenever
he curses he shoots electricity. This comes in handy and he starts (forgive
the pun) zapping the hell out of Saddam. Satan, tired of Saddam's abuse,
lets him fry. In a final, furious burst of swear-induced lightning Cartman
sends him falling back to Hell to be impaled on a jagged rock but he can't
die because, well, he's already dead. Satan finds himself grateful to Kenny
for his help and offers him a wish. Kenny wishes that everything be restored
to before the fighting but unfortunately it would mean he would stay dead
he accepts it. Beacause of his good deed he is allowed to ascend to heaven
but he leaves with a final hoodless good-bye. Satan returns to hell but
finds Mr. Hat and takes him and everything returns to normal.
Everything
worked out what a happy end.
Americans
and Canadians are friends again.
-Chef